3 Tips on Doing Yoni Massage Right (All Sydney Men and Women should be aware of)
- Kenneth
- Feb 9
- 5 min read
“Let’s be real: You’ve probably lit a candle, Googled ‘yoni massage tutorial,’ and ended up knee-deep in vague diagrams or cringey ASMR videos. (No judgment—we’ve all been there.) Here’s the thing: Most guides skip the human stuff. You know, the awkwardness, the second-guessing, the “Wait, am I doing this right?!” spiral. And honestly? It’s not your fault. As a tantric massage practitioner, I’ve learned that real yoni massage isn’t about acrobatics or fancy oils—it’s about three things nobody talks about.
Think of this as your cheat sheet from the guy who’s seen it all: the good, the awkward, and the “Oh, so THAT’S what my clit can do?!” moments. Whether you’re flying solo or trying to surprise your partner, these tips are about ditching the pressure and finding pleasure that sticks.
Tip #1: Set the Mood Like You’re Hosting a Secret Ritual (Minus the Robes)
Look, your vagina isn’t a party trick—it’s a VIP guest. Would you welcome Beyoncé into a room with flickering fluorescents, a screeching door hinge, and socks still piled in the corner? Exactly. Setting the mood isn’t about cliché rose petals or Enya playlist dogma. It’s about crafting a vibe so cozy, your nervous system sighs, “Oh, we’re safe here.”
Start here:
Lighting: Swap harsh overhead lights for salt lamps, fairy lights, or—hell—even a few well-placed phone flashlights. (Pro tip: If it feels like a Target checkout line, dial it back.)
Sound: Skip the “tantric flute” YouTube rabbit hole. Opt for whatever makes your hips want to move—neo-soul, rainfall, or even a podcast about moss. (No judgment. Moss is hot.)
Temperature: Cold toes = tense everything. Warm the room like you’re defrosting a freezer-bitten soul.
But here’s where most folks miss the mark: YOU matter too. If you’re giving the massage, your energy sets the tone. I’ve had clients admit they spent days preparing their space—but forgot to breathe. (Spoiler: Panicky vibes are not a turn-on.)
That’s why, in my sessions, I start with a dumb-simple ritual: I dim the lights, blast non-cringey music (no Shakira hips-don’t-lie remixes, promise), and toss a heating pad on the table. One client laughed, “I thought you’d have, like, gongs and incense?” Nah. The goal isn’t to impress—it’s to make her body whisper, “Okay... I’m listening.”
Try this tonight: Light one candle. Burn the rest of your to-do list.
Tip #2: Patience Is the Least Sexy Superpower (Until It’s Not)
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: patience sounds about as thrilling as watching paint dry. But here’s the secret—it’s the difference between “meh” and “holy shit, where have you been all my life?” Bodies don’t neon-sign their desires. They murmur. A sharp inhale, a hip tilt you almost miss, a shiver that says “don’t you dare stop.”
Case in point: One client swore she “couldn’t cum” during massage. Turns out, every lover she’d ever had treated her clit like a doorbell—jabbing it like they’d get a prize if they rang hard enough. We slowed down, and after 45 minutes of just tracing her inner thighs (yes, 45), her body finally unclenched. She said, “It felt like my vagina exhaled for the first time in years.”
Your cheat code:
Eyes up, hands soft. If you’re staring at the clock (or her breasts), you’re missing the story her skin is telling.
Play the “what happens if...?” game. Press lightly here. Wait. Glide there. Wait. Let her nervous system catch up.
Ditch the script. If she arches into your touch, double down. If she holds her breath, back off. Bodies don’t follow TikTok tutorials.
Here’s the kicker: Waiting isn’t passive. It’s the art of noticing exactly when her breath hitches or her toes curl—then weaponizing that intel. In my sessions, I’ve learned that silence isn’t awkward; it’s where the magic happens. (Pro tip: If you’re sweating and wondering, “Is she bored??” ...she’s definitely bored. Slow your roll.)
TL;DR: Your hands aren’t DJs. Let her body drop the beat.
Tip #3: Your Brain Is the Real Orgasmic MVP (Yes, That Brain)
Let’s ruin a myth real quick: Your clit isn’t the star of this show. It’s the brain. Surprise! The most underrated sex organ isn’t between your legs—it’s between your ears. Science backs this up: Dopamine spikes when your mind is teased, not just your body. That “slow burn” euphoria? It’s your brain revving its engine while your vagina waits for the green light.
Here’s the hack:
Pause before you even reach her clit. Edging the mind is way hotter than edging the body. Tell her, “Before I touch you, imagine my hands tracing your hips.” Let her marinate in that for 10 seconds. (Fun fact: The anticipation often triggers more lubrication than the actual touch.)
Describe sensations she’s about to feel. Instead of just rubbing her thigh, murmur, “What if this touch felt like sunlight seeping into your skin?” Boom—her brain starts prepping her body for liftoff.
Ask her to narrate a fantasy. Not the X-rated stuff—the vibe. One client whispered, “Pretend we’re sneaking into a forbidden garden,” and later admitted it made her body “hum like a tuning fork.” Brains are greedy—they want story, not just friction.
Here’s why most folks fail: They treat yoni massage like a anatomy exam (🎯 Locate clit, apply pressure, repeat). But in my sessions, I’ve seen clients squirm from a single sentence (“Your body’s been waiting for this, hasn’t it?”) more than 20 minutes of hand gymnastics. Another client’s feedback summed it up: “The second you said, ‘There’s no rush,’ my brain finally shut up and my vagina took over.”
Let’s be honest: Yoni massage isn’t about mastering a “technique.” It’s about brewing the perfect cup of tea for the body and mind—not microwaving a sad Earl Grey and calling it “self-care.” You’ve got the recipe now:
Set the mood like you’re seducing a nervous raccoon (gentle, patient, zero sudden moves).
Wait like you’re buffering a Netflix show—annoying at first, but so worth it when the magic loads.
Whisper to her brain like you’re the narrator of her favorite romance novel (spoiler: the protagonist is her).
Look, you could trial-and-error this while your vibrator side-eyes you from the drawer... or skip straight to the good part.
👉 Book a Session and let’s turn “I’m kinda curious...” into “Oh. OH. Now I get the hype.”(Bonus: My toolkit includes heated tables, zero small talk, and the kind of patience usually reserved for sourdough starters.)
And hey—worst case? If anyone asks, just say you’re “studying neuroscience.” Nobody needs to know your lab coat’s optional. 😉
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Yoni Massage Sydney
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